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Emma Bullerman
As my senior year is starting to come to an end, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on what young Emma was like and how I got to where I am now.
When I was young, I was incredibly shy. I rarely ever took steps out of my little comfort zone and was happy simply being with my parents and my brothers.
I didn’t have a huge circle of friends, but I did have a few close ones. I was, and still am, very independent. I enjoyed playing and reading by myself as a kid, and wasn’t bothered by the fact that I didn’t have anyone to play with.
I spent a lot of my time playing with my barbies, coloring, reading and watching various Disney movies on repeat. My favorites were the first and second High School Musical movies, and any princess movie. I especially enjoyed The Little Mermaid and Enchanted.
I also found lots of joy in spending my time outside. I would swing for hours almost every day. My dad had told me once that swinging would help make me smarter, so I made sure I put in my time. I loved looking at the sky as I swung, finding shapes and pictures in the clouds. Often, my dad would be outside doing yard work or supervising and I’d make sure he saw every little scene I picked out of the sky.
As I got older, I started to make more friends and figure out my place in my little world. The thing was, I never found true friends. I was very good at shape shifting my personality to fit those around me so I fell into whatever group seemed right that day, and stuck with it.
With this unique friend situation came some complications. Because I was usually the odd one out, it became easy for kids to pick on me. It was never anything crazy, but it was enough that it took a toll on me. I was confused about what I was doing wrong. I felt as if there was something that I needed to change in order for people to like me.
This didn’t deter me though. I still knew that at some point I would find my people, I would just have to wait until that day came.
As I got older and went through middle school, I came out of my shell more and more. I developed a lot more confidence and met a lot more people who actually felt good to be around.
By this point in my life, it seemed as if everyone else in my eighth grade class had figured out where they belonged. Groups of popular athletes and the ‘nerds’ started to form, and I didn’t fit anywhere.
A pivotal moment for me was watching the high school put on ‘Footloose,’ as their musical in 2019. I had never seen a production like that in my life. I was captivated by the actors, the set, the music, everything. It felt like I was in a dream while watching. I walked out of the theater that night knowing exactly what I wanted to do.
In the first few weeks of my freshman year, I signed up for one-act and speech, had already started rehearsals for show choir and planned on being a part of the spring play later that year. I was determined to start learning about everything performing arts and theater, and was so excited to do so.
I worked harder than ever to be the best performer I could. I started lessons with a voice teacher, soaked in every critique from my directors and coaches and spent my time immersing myself in the world of theater.
Because of all this effort and work, I found so much joy and success in my activities. Every day that I got to step foot on the stage was a good day.
Looking back, it amazes me to see how much I’ve grown. When I was little, I never imagined that this is what I would be doing now. Performing, speaking and writing were things I only ever did in private. Now, they are the things I get to do every day for everyone around me. Growing from a quiet, nervous little girl to an outspoken, confident young woman has been quite the journey, but I wouldn’t change anything for the world.
My younger self dreamed of the days when I would be in high school. She wanted so badly to live the life of the teenagers she saw on TV. Now, that little version of myself is getting to live that dream every day.
I don’t think she would believe it if I told her that I got to be a lead in the musical twice in a row, or that I won districts for speech once, or that I got to spend almost every Friday night on the football field like she had always wanted.
I wish I could go back and tell her about all the things we’ve gotten to do with our life. I think she would be proud.
EMMA BULLERMAN is a senior at Aurora High School and is a guest columnist. emma.bullerman@gmail.
