Charles in charge across the pond

As the newly self-appointed Official Royal Correspondent for Hamilton County, and possessing all the hubris of one who has no qualifications to take on this mantle, I’d like to talk to you about King Charles III, his coronation and his family.
For context, my love of the Royals began 40 plus years ago. This was the time Charles began courting his eventual ex-wife Diana Spencer. Now, for a long time I had wanted to meet another person named Diana. In elementary school, I was awash in a sea of Jennifers and Christines. I finally had a name twin, and she was a princess!
On TV, when Shy Di peered at me through her eyelashes, I couldn’t help but feel connected to her.
Princess Diana was a woman who was beautiful inside and outside. She was the People’s Princess, showing her love for her children, her work in eradicating landmines and her fearlessness in touching AIDS patients when others were terrified. My own father wouldn’t touch me when I got ringworm in kindergarten.
Speaking of names, I think Queen Elizabeth II played a joke on her little prince the day she christened him Charles. More than 400 years ago the first Charles overreached his power and got his head cut off. His son, who regained the throne after Ollie Cromwell bought the farm, was famously debauched. Seems an inauspicious start for a future monarch.
Regarding the coronation of Charles III, I must confess I did not wake up at some dreadful hour to watch it live. A Royal Correspondent needs her beauty sleep.
I watched it at leisure through the miracle of the internet. If any of my fellow Anglophiles DID rise in the middle of the night to tune in, I remove my tiara and give you a deep curtsy in respect, my dear.
Charles’ coronation ceremony took place at Westminster Abbey. As is his divine right, he took his seat on Edward’s Chair (I have no idea where Edward ended up. Probably in the nosebleeds.) and held his rod and orb -- Charles’ rod and orb, not Edward’s, of course.
When it came time to be officially crowned by the Archbishop of Canterbury, (his name is Justin, which to me is too pedestrian for an archbishop) Justin had a bit of a wobble, twisting and pushing the crown onto the new king’s head. Charles was not amused.
At another point in the ceremony, William, Charles’ heir, had to pledge life and limb to his father.William appeared cagey, his eyes darting all over the abbey as he recited his vow to be liege man to Daddy.
Next, to intensify the awkwardness, Wills grudgingly placed a kiss on Charles’ cheek. Can you imagine being a bug on the wall at dress rehearsal? “I have to KISS you? But, Dad! All the other dukes and earls will make fun of me!”
No discussion of King Charles would be complete without mentioning his wife, Camilla, the Jezebel who stomped all over my girl Diana’s heart. Far be it from me to spread conspiracy theories, but that fateful night in Paris paved a much smoother road (no pun intended) for Camilla. Just saying...
Regardless, if Camilla is a treacherous schemer in the mold of a Shakespearean counterpart, she will always remain Charles’ Queen Consort.
Moving on to a lovelier member of the family, let’s talk Princess Catherine! In her red, white and blue cape she looked like the English Wonder Woman! I’ve always liked Kate. She makes a glamorous other half to Prince William. In my eyes, she carries Diana’s torch well. Kate has earned that infamous sapphire ring.
William, next in line for the kingship, has grown from a tow-headed teen Etonian idol to a mature and likeable husband, father and prince. Has his famous bald pate caused him to go from a 10 to a 7? To quote a line I’ve stolen from Olivia Coleman in “The Crown,” “Age is rarely kind to anyone.” At least, when the time comes for his own coronation, there should be no problems getting the crown on William’s head.
The Royals, always an interesting subject, and we haven’t even gotten to Harry!

DIANA RODRIGUEZ can be reached at newspaper@ hamilton.net