Royal babies or royal maybes?

Hello Dear Reader, thank you for joining me for a peek into the royal family.
As Unofficial Royal Correspondent for Hamilton County, I have noticed a disturbing trend among the younger royals. Their sometimes ghastly (and often un-royal!) choices in baby naming!
My diatribe against each pampered winner of nature’s lottery won’t be chronological by birth. We’ll be discussing only the great-grandchildren of the former monarch. The list will go from the least egregious name to the winner of “Most Un-Royal Baby Name.” 
Remember these are opinions only, and if your’s differ, please feel free to send me a strongly worded email or letter to the editor. Please, even if you’ve been deeply offended, don’t come to the office and punch my face. I’m a lover, not a fighter.
It may shock no one, but the three least eye-roll inducing names belong to the children of the Prince and Princess of Wales, William and Catherine.  
8 -- Louis. Yes, it’s most royal at 8 on the list, but who can resist the opportunity to be a bit snide?  Britain has been fighting with France for centuries! There are so many French King Louis, with the last one having a date with Lady Guillotine. Is this an extending of the proverbial olive branch to France for Waterloo? 
Abandoning the French connection entirely, the name Louis in America is a bit pedestrian. In the USA, Louis wears a trucker hat and drinks Natty Light. I doubt a Natty Light will ever pass the lips of Prince Louis.
7 -- Charlotte. Charlotte is the feminine form of Charles. If you read my last column (Hi Mom!) you know my thoughts about QE2 naming her heir Charles. There’s a reason for the 400-year drought of monarchs named Charles! Regardless, Charlotte seems to be a very charming young girl. I look forward to watching her as she grows into her role as princess.  
6 --  George. Surely this is a nod to Granny’s father King George VI. That is all very good.
It just tickles me that George is the Christian name of the leaders on either side of the Revolutionary War. The victor (George Washington) casting off the monarchy and (George III) losing the war and eventually his mind. 
Barring that historical context, George is a name that is having a bit of a resurgence. It’s a staid and unadorned name, with plenty of English Kings bearing it, so for that it receives royal points.
5 -- August. This cute little royal belongs to Princess Eugenie. He’s been nicknamed“Augie” and before I did a little research for this article, I thought his name was Augie. Just Augie. But, now knowing that he is christened August, it is a name that has a bit more gravitas.
I like Augie better than Gus, which is what most Americans would call their little August if so named. According to Wikipedia, Augustus has the meaning “esteemed” or “venerable” and was a title given to Roman emperors. Still, not royal sounding in moderntime but a classic golden oldie. A solid 5 it is.
4 --  Ernest. This just happens to be Augie’s brand new brother. I struggled between Augieand Ernest as to which was more fitting the hoi polloi. I just can’t shake the thought of Ernie from Sesame Street from my unconcious. Don’t get me wrong, my generation grew up with Ernie on Sesame Street, but Princess Eugenie’s Ernie will be growing up on Easy Street. We’re venturing into unregal territory.
3 -- Lilibet. Shock. Horror! The Duke and Duchess of Sussex named their daughter the late Queen’s personal “pet” name; her private name, used only by her closest family!  It appeared to me like a flick of a finger to tip Her Majesty’s crown. Eventually,  my reservations gave way little by little and I warmed to the name. Maybe the Queen was fine with it and even thought it a touching tribute?  Later, I just stopped thinking about all the possibilities regarding a speculative backstory and decided I don’t like the name.  
Yes, they often refer to her as Lili, but Lilibet? I’ve always heard Prince Phillip called his wife Cabbage, and I would have liked that name better than Lilibet. Cabbage Mountbatten-Windsor. Yes.  Still no good.
2 -- Archie. Same parents, different child. At least the Sussex’s didn’t name the poor boy Archibald.  It seems the name has something to do with their (uh hum) charity, Archewell.
It comes off as pretentious, even though Archie is a solidly lower middle class type of name.  
As for the tot’s middle name, Harrison, it’s a bit on the nose don’t you think? As much as I don’t care for Archie’s sisters name, at least they didn’t add Megs daughter to it.
1 -- Sienna. The daughter of Princess Beatrice. It’s not that I don’t like the name Sienna. My issue is that it is another name that firstly, doesn’t sound royal and in addition, doesn’t even sound British.  Sienna makes me think of our great Southwest, painted mountains, proud Native Americans.  
My mind goes to cowboys on horseback, sitting around a campfire eating beans. Go West, young man! This name sounds as American as baseball.  Sienna is about as far from evoking the rainy island of Britain as one can get. So, for that reason, it is heads my list of “Most Unroyal Royal Baby Names”
Thank you for staying until the end.  I hope you were entertained. Keep watching this space and in the words of Joe Biden, “God Save the Queen!”  And, more importantly, especially so near our country’s Independence Day holiday, “God Bless America!”
DIANA RODRIGUEZ can be reached at newspaper@ hamilton.net