He who laughs best, laughs last, and often

An old English Proverb claimed “He who laughs best, laughs last.” Well, we don’t know how true that is, but we came across some actual epitaphs found on gravestones in cemeteries throughout the world. Those epitaphs may not cause a laugh, but they were at least a giggle.
In Scotland... “Stranger, tread this ground with gravity: Dentist Brown is filling his last cavity.”
In New York... “Harry Edsel Smith looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.”
In England... “Beneath this grassy mound now rests Edgar Oscar Earl, another hunter who looked exactly like a squirrel.”
In Boston... “Owen Moore: Gone away Owin’ more that he could pay.” 
The grave of Christopher Chapman in Westminster Abbey bearing the date of 1680 says: “What I gave, I have... What I spent, I had... What I left, I lost by not giving it.”
And a tombstone in an English churchyard contains this inscription: “Here lies the body of Ethan Bevan, killed by lightning sent from heaven for trading horses on Sunday, June 11, in the year Eighteen Hundred and Twenty-seven.”
A newspaper account of a disastrous shipwreck stated: “The vessel sank with loss of life including one lady passenger who was insured  for a large sum of money and loaded with pig iron.”
A young boy was strolling through the cemetery reading inscriptions on tombstones. He came to one which declared: “Not dead, but sleeping.” After contemplating the phrase for a moment and scratching his head, he exclaimed: “He sure ain’t fooling nobody, but himself.”
At a dinner given in honor of an individual who was the recipient of many compliments from various speakers, the honored guest replied: “It’s pleasant to hear these nice words while I am still alive. I’d  rather  have the taffy than the epitaphy.”
And now to wrap up this subject “He who laughs last,” we will conclude the finale of epitaphs:  “Here lies an Atheist; all dressed up and no place to go.”
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 Benjamin Franklin wrote: “Only two things in this life are certain: death and taxes.” What the taxpayer resents is that they don’t come in that order.”
RL Furse  is publisher emeritus of the News-Register