Some headlines bring a smile, even if by mistake

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We need a few laughs in this old world and the newspaper headlines, while seemingly dominated with bad news, can also trigger a few smiles. Some of the following have been actual newspaper headlines:
“Dead Man Found in City Cemetery . . . Five Foot Snake Found in Toilet, Woman Relieved . . . Female Sanitation Workers Dump on Trash-Talking Boss . . . Fraud Charges Pinned on Pro Wrestler . . . Procrastinator’s Club Delays Annual Meeting.”
And finally here’s one that we’re sure the public has been waiting for this information: “Notre Dame Cathedral Workers Wear Throwaway Underwear.”
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The Betterhalf hasn’t asked me to sort my laundry, but she has taken other methods to control my wardrobe. Some of my favorite shirts and a few pair of jeans never returned to my closet after being sent to the laundry room. When she was questioned, I was told, “You are not wearing those old frayed shirts or faded jeans with holes in the knees anymore!”
I tried to explain how comfortable those items were and they actually had been around long enough to become members of my family. Then I recited a quote from James Douglas: “A man can wear a hat for years without being oppressed by its shabbiness.”
My pleas fell on deaf ears and the Betterhalf added, “If you’re complaining about your summer clothes disappearing, brace yourself -- I haven’t got to your cold weather wear!”
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It’s been reported over 600 presidential candidates for the 2020 election have registered at the federal candidate registry. If you are satisfied with the current well-known presidential candidates, you may raise your eyebrows over one recent registration. He was wearing a boot on top of his head.
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Much has been said about the difficulty metro areas are having with the rental scooters that were supposedly to help ease their auto congestion problems. It seems many of the scooters are being driven on the sidewalks, residential neighborhood streets and hampering vehicle traffic on busy thoroughfares.
Hmmm. City administrators must have short memories. Any small town village board or city council over the years has always faced problems of bicyclists riding on the sidewalks in business and residential areas and failing to obey ordinances.
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Gravity isn’t easy, but it’s the law.
RL Furse  is publisher emeritus of the News-Register

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