Spring cleaning stirs up trivia, fun facts for all

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It’s time for a little spring cleaning and clearing off my desk. The paper clutter has resulted in a stack of notes with a lot of trivia that seems to have little value. Following are the results of our clean-up.
Dog hair has been proclaimed to be cleaner than most men’s beards. However, over the years I’ve heard no reports of a man having fleas or ticks in his beard.
One writer claimed retirement and boredom go hand-in-hand. But you can still have some fun in your spare time. His suggestions:
* Go to the Dairy Queen and dip your dentures in the hot fudge when no one is looking.
* Call the program “A Current Affair” and ask if you can order one.
* Enroll in a history course and argue with the teacher by saying, “Well, I was there and don’t remember seeing you!”
* Buy an expensive fishing lodge with a 50-year mortgage to ensure your children remember you when you’re gone.
* Attend wedding receptions and lick the knife telling the bride and groom it is an old good luck charm.
* Teach children not to gamble by cheating them in little card games and taking their allowances.
We’ve been told you know when you get back with an old boyfriend it is pathetic . . . it’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
Here’s some classic one liners:
* On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
* I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
* Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
* You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you.
Naturally I’m a strong newspaper, or print media believer. While social media has a place, I have little faith in the majority of its credibility. A recent statistic caught my attention that stated 67 percent of consumer trust in print media is more than double of the 33 percent  of consumer trust in social media.
RL Furse  is publisher emeritus of the News-Register

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