A Cardinal service

 Stanford. Volleyball. Whiteboard. Oops.
If you remember the fallout after the 2018 NCAA volleyball championships in Minneapolis, those words flow together pretty well.
If you’re confused, well sorry, I’m not going to rehash it all now.
Nonetheless, the Cardinal are scheduled to visit Lincoln this fall (and also three times in the next five seasons) to play a match against the Huskers, a rematch if you will, and word on the street has it that Stanford coach Kevin Hambly wants his team to perform community service when they’re here. Call it a goodwill gesture if you want, but to me it sounds like they’re just trying to save face. Their hands were caught in the proverbial cookie jar.
Anyway, since they’re offering, I’ve come up with 20 community service ideas that I will email to the defending champs, just to help get the ball rolling:
1. Remove and replace all of the ground-up rubber pellets buried in the field turf at Memorial Stadium. No, not by hand. That would be cruel. I was thinking more in the form of hand-held rechargeable vacuum cleaners. Better wear your knee pads.
2. Polish the dome of the State Capitol building (just do not look down).
3. Tune up the Zamboni machine at the Ice Box.
4. Visit all Lincoln schools and offer to clean their, you guessed it, whiteboards.
5. Remove all the algae from Holmes Lake.
6. Spray all the weeds on the MoPac Trail.
7. Fill any remaining potholes in downtown Lincoln.
8. Water all the flowers at the Sunken Gardens.
9. Dust the top of the big screen video board at the Devaney Center.
10. Change a few light bulbs in the ceiling at Pinnacle Bank Arena.
11. Clean the restrooms at the Student Union. Thoroughly.
12. Polish the buffalo statue at Pioneers Park.
13. Put on Husker Herbie t-shirts and go shopping at Gateway Mall.
14. Wash and wax by hand coach John Cook’s SUV. And don’t forget to vacuum it out.
15. Clean the monkey exhibit at the Children’s Zoo.
16. Wash the windows at the Sheldon Art Museum, inside and out. And no streaks.
17. Dust all the bookshelves at Love Library.
18. Peel off all the wads of gum under the seats at the Lied Center.
19. Learn the words to Nebraska’s fight song and sing it walking around campus.
20. Sell Runzas up in the stands at the Husker football game that weekend. And don’t ask what a Runza is.
You’re welcome.

DAVE BRADLEY can be reached at advertising@hamilton.net.


Rate this article: 
No votes yet