One-liners offer laughs, sometimes wisdom

It’s been claimed classic one-liners offer lots of wisdom produced by very little forethought. I recall observing a high scoring football game where the two teams continued to exchange touchdowns throughout the four quarters of play. I turned to the Betterhalf and a couple who accompanied me to the contest and said the brilliant statement: “Whoever is ahead at the end of the game is going to win.”
That accurate one-liner has laughingly been thrown in my face by the Betterhalf and her friends every football season since I made my original observation.
I find that I am not alone in offering bits of wisdom. I came cross these astute observations:
* Remember, half the people you know are below average.
* Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
* He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
* Honk if you love peace and quiet.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
* Borrow money from a pessimist … they don’t expect to get it back.
* A day without sunshine is like night.
* I intend to live forever . . . so far, so good
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Here’s another story about wisdom. A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question: “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”
The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”
The son thanks his mom and  goes to double-check this with his father. “Dad why are wedding dresses white?”
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”
***
Now for a statistic women already know and should be remembered by family members. A woman does not enjoy an undisturbed meal or get to eat the foods hot and the cold desserts cold, from the time the first baby is born until the last grandchild is old enough to wait on himself. And still, statistics show that women live longer than men!
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Remember when an American said he would bet you a dollar to a donut? He meant he was giving you a hundred-to-one shot? Today he would mean it’s an even bet.
RL Furse  is publisher emeritus of the News-Register

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