Politically correct put-downs for this time of turmoil

In this turmoil time, many of us are searching for ways to be “politically correct” with our criticism.  In an effort to throw ice on some hot-tempered remarks and avoid some not-for-publication words, a list of “politically correct” comments have been suggested. While these statements may not exactly cool a heated debate, the retorts certainly could draw smiles from those eaves-droppers who had been listening in.
For our female readers you will be delighted to note the suggested statements to be politically correct for saying someone is “stupid” seem to refer to only the male gender.
The statements:
* His chimney’s clogged.
* He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
* He has too much yardage between the goal posts.
* He’s all foam and no beer.
* The cheese has slid off his cracker.
* He appears to have come from the shallow end of the gene pool.
* His elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
* His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
* He’s missing a few buttons on his mental remote control.
* His family tree doesn’t fork.
* His skylight leaks a little.
* His slinky’s kinked.  
* He has an IQ of two, but it takes only three to pick your nose.
* He’s dumber than a bunch of bananas.
* He couldn’t pour water out of a boot even if the instructions were on the heel.
We have all witnessed our own stupidity and I am no exception. That was proven a few weeks ago when I discovered I am not very smart and I lack anything resembling quickness. I stupidly reached my hand to break up the fighting of two dogs. Many stitches later the Betterhalf, after viewing my bandaged hand asked, “Just how stupid can you be?” To that, I had no answer, but I am sure I’ll have more stupid mistakes coming up on my agenda.
I do take some comfort in a remark by Albert Einstein. He noted: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
RL Furse  is publisher emeritus of the News-Register

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